Pregnant Co-workers

It’s Saturday and I’m sitting on the couch with my fur babies looking at the Christmas tree. My husband is off at an early morning meeting, and yes, on a Saturday! It’s foggy and the ground is completely covered in frost that almost looks like snow. The sun is starting to shine through every now and then. A week ago I ordered a book written by a psychologist who specializes in treating women who are dealing with infertility. I’ve read a few chapters and I have to say it is nice to know that my feelings and emotions are normal. I feel somewhat validated. Infertility is truly one of the most stressful and emotional things I’ve gone through in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, nursing school was stressful and I was packed full with anxiety during those years of study, but I have never felt such bitterness and jealousy of pregnant women in my life.

At work there are two pregnant women and another who just had a baby. Last month I went to a baby shower of the women who just had a baby and it was an uncomfortable and difficult situation for me. My emotions went from being happy for her and enjoying looking at all the cute baby gifts she was given to complete mental anguish. I was screaming inside and I couldn't wait to leave.

Last Thursday I was working with a women who is expecting her first baby in February. I swear she is one of those people that has never had one negative thing happen to her ever. She has a perfect life, perfect husband, perfect parents and siblings. She is cheerful, pretty and a delight to be around. Before all of this she was one of my favorite people at work. We even talked about “being pregnant at the same time” and how FUN that would be. Right now I can hardly stand being in the same room with her. Last spring she simply went off the pill and was pregnant in less than a month, and they weren't even really “trying”, they were simply, “not preventing”. Ugh! And here I am making doctor appointments, having all sorts of scans, blood draws and exams. Not to mention my poor husband who has to do his business in a plastic cup and then race to the doctor in order to get the sample there in time before the damn sperm croak out on us! Like a pot about to boil, the pressure just keeps rising.

With all of that said, today I am making the decision to try and not obsess about infertility, even though it is always on my mind. It’s the holiday season and I’ve got a lot to get done!